Our culture has become so infected by capitalism, many people perversely link their personal happiness to how much wealth, power and respect they accumulate. When in reality these things cannot bring happiness.
Some believe they'll gain happiness when they find true love. "All I really want it to be happy. And to find a man that's mine, it would be so sweet". Really ? I think a mistake a lot of people make is thinking that falling in love is the magic solution. Love comes with its own set of issues and finding "Mr. Right" is no guarantee for happiness. Your happiness levels may increase but eventually they'll fall. Why? Because when all your happiness is dependent on another human being, their fallibility and ability to screw up, will eventually cause you misery. Loving yourself is what brings happiness and cause for others to love you
If happiness isn't found in wealth or finding true love, where can it be located? Religious people contend that true happiness is found in God. The trouble is most religious people are fixated with knowing their religion, rather than knowing God. So ironically most of them are miserable, repressed and jaded.
As far as I'm aware God does not specialise in delivering happiness packages to our doorsteps. Happiness is one of those things that God/whatever you choose to believe in, leaves us to be the custodian of.
Happiness eludes so many of us because we think that it will miraculously occur. Which is rubbish. Happiness doesn't happen by chance, it involves hard work. We must actively seek to cultivate an environment conducive to happiness. Our happiness is our responsibility or as Lincoln put it "most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"
As happiness, like shoes, is something you can never have too much of, I'd love for you all to join me in my quest for more shoes, I mean happiness. With that aim in mind I'm going to share a very simplified version of my be happy project
"Be Happy"
Step 1
Define Happiness for yourself
At some point in our lives we have to define happiness for ourselves. Finding out,what makes you happy,if its a personal decision or if its dependent on fallible entities.
Step 2
Create a happiness principle and live by it.
My happiness principle is simply:
"Let Go. Hold On"
I believe life's nothing more than what you decide to let go of and what you choose to hold on to. Now everything in my life is placed into one of those two categories; "Let Go" or "Hold On". It's a way of cutting away the bad and cherishing the good.
I found this principle helpful as I'm the type of person that can (over) think themselves into a state of anxiety. Now when I'm feeling worried or fearful I ask myself "Are you going to let go of this thing or hold on to it?"
Step 3
Write your happiness commandments.
"Remember the past but do not dwell there, face the future where all our hopes stand" Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
"Be Kind"
"You are enough"
"Love continuously"
"Eat (more) ice cream without feeling guilty"
Don't starve yourself that plate of abacha
"Seek progress, not perfection"
"Embrace vulnerability, what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful" Brené Brown
"Stop judging yourself and others"
"Live your dream and wear your passion"
"Forgive"
Since I'm still collecting ideas for my commandments I'd like to ask….
What would your happiness principle be?
And
What would your happiness commandments be?
Please share your ideas in the comment section because
a) I'm going to steal the ones that take my fancy
b) They'll be useful for anyone else that decides to join me on the "Be Happy" quest.
Love
Lui...
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed internet service with Etisalat easy net, available at all our experience centres
My position on the confidence spectrum vacillates. On some days I'm convinced I can do anything and on other days I'm unsure of what I can do or worse still, what I'm supposed to be doing. For a while I wasn't sure of what to post but a friend said ''Haff u tried picking stuff from past experiences,Shake a few tinz up,Pple relate more with personal experiences'' and so I thought to share..
I learnt many things during my crisis of confidence. I learnt it won't certainly be my last. Insecurity is like Fortuna. It cannot be destroyed. It will rear its ugly head when it's most inconvenient. I discovered investing energy into fighting my insecurities is exhausting. I'm battling a force with far more strength and experience than myself. After all insecurity has been screwing with humanity since humans began roaming the earth.
I learnt that we are hardwired to be insecure. To resist insecurity is to resist part of ourselves. It's what makes us greater than animals but less than the Gods. However the acceptance that our insecurities will always be with us doesn't mean we should resign ourselves to being held captive by them.
As I grappled and struggled with my insecurity I learnt something beautiful about confidence. Confidence isn't the absence of insecurity; confidence is choosing to act in spite of its presence. These acts of confidence don't have to be grand. They're normally relatively small. Like choosing to smile at an abrasive stranger. Uploading a blog post that makes you cringe. Wearing an item that accentuates a body part you once tried to conceal. Leaning in for the kiss first.
The only forces that have power in our lives are the things we focus on. Focus on fear and fear will be your master. Focus on love and love will be your friend. Insecurity exerts a disproportionate amount of influence over us only when we give it disproportionate amount of our focus. However if we treat our insecurity as a banal fact and not care as much, its power diminishes,and thus holds no power over us.
We can never completely silence the oppressing voice of insecurity. What we can do is amplify our positive beliefs and thoughts. We must hold on to the belief that in spite of all the things that make us awful, there is much more in us that makes us good. They say faith is the antidote to fear, love is the antidote to hate, I'm not sure if there's an antidote for insecurity, but I do think belief or confidence comes pretty close.
In closing I'll say there is nothing instant about confidence, whether you're trying to maintain it, restore it or find it. Whatever stage you're at it's a gradual process. I wasn't sure how to end this blog post. However there's a Donny Hathaway song called 'Someday We'll All Be Free' that articulates a very important meaning to our everyday life
"Hang onto the world as it spins around Just don't let the spin get you down. Things are moving fast. Hold on tight and you will last. Keep your self-respect your very bright. Get yourself in gear, Keep your stride. Never mind your fears. Brighter days will soon be here. Take it from me someday we'll all be free"
Love
Lui...
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed internet service with Etisalat easy net, available at all our experience centres
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